Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
