Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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