but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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