Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
