jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
