K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
