if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
