Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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