it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
