So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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