Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
