i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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