I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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