a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
