Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
