Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
