Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
