Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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