there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
