He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
