she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
