Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
