She announced her abortion via fbk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
