Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
