did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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