forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
