I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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