and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
