Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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