remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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