I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
