last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
