Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
