Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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