Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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