There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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