what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
