thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
