Will you blow on my dice?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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