I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize