Kiss
Puke
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
