We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
