So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize