Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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