Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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