I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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