The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
