I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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