do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
