Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
