Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
