your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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