ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
