The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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