Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
