not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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