ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
