chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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