I got chris browned last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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