if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
