apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
