a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
