I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
