Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
