The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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